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After five years of making polite chit-chat in the kitchen, draining the contents of the fridge, and tunelessly belting out several renditions of Blur’s “Parklife”, Pompey 2s have finally made their excuses, and said their goodbyes to the Hampshire League Div 3 South party.
The Unicorns headed to Cadnam (another bogey team of theirs) on Saturday, requiring six points to achieve promotion, and nine to be assured league winners, but leaving the New Forest with a win would leave any bonus point calculations moot.
Another lost flip from the increasingly ineffective tosser, Nicky Wyatt, saw Pompey being asked to bat first on a soft deck that contrasted with the baking hot conditions. The lack of pace and bounce in the track didn’t suit Wyatt’s strengths, so last week’s centurion was unable to produce any follow-up heroics, being dismissed attempting to pull a ball at shin height, and somehow nicking off to first slip for a rare single-figure score.
Wyatt’s opening partner, Jamie Mitchell, along with Matt Shaw were able to ease any tension among the visiting contingent by putting on 101 for the 2nd wicket. Like the polarity between the pudding-like pitch and glorious weather, Mitchell and Shaw took to differing modes of accumulation – Shaw, after surviving an early scare, reached for the pestle ‘n’ mortar and ground out a telling 54; while Mitchell sought boundaries, in an effort to hide his disgustingly low levels of fitness. Once Mitchell’s legs betrayed him, departing for a swift 66, Dan Wallis (23) kept Shaw company through to his fifty.
Wickets then fell regularly in the pursuit of quick runs, despite the decent launchpad being set for a late-overs assault, as the pitch simply wasn’t conducive to teeing off from ball one.
Well, it wasn’t for most mortals.
Enter Will Smitherman.
Portsmouth CC’s favourite scallywag sprung out of his seat a nanosecond or two after the fall of Tom Wallis’ wicket, and strutted purposefully – in borrowed gear – to the middle. A pie chart wasn’t required for Smitherman to illustrate how to build this innings – it was 100% acceleration, culminating in a sashay down the track, before depositing Cadnam’s opening bowler back over his head and out of the ground for a booming six. Smitherman’s smite took the team’s total to beyond 200, confirming promotion in a manner befitting one who thrives on such a stage.
The back-end of the innings stuttered after Smitherman was run out for a 17-ball 22, and Pompey were bowled out in the final over to finish up on 219.
Falling 6 runs short of maximum batting points was soon a non-issue, as what followed was one of Pompey’s most complete bowling and fielding performances of the season.
After the now-customary opening over of looseners, Harlan Randall adjusted to claim the first 6 wickets to effectively single-handedly secure the points required to wrap up the league. Randall was aided and abetted by some seriously smart catches from Dan Wallis (twice), and Smitherman in the slips, to finish his 7-over spell with 6 for 21.
While Randall rattled through Cadnam’s line-up, Ishy Ahmad could count himself unfortunate to be left bowling (what appeared to be maiden after maiden) to the one opposition batsman who showed any desire to occupy the crease. When he finally got the opportunity to sight a different batsman in his crosshairs, one outside edge plus another tasty grab from Smitherman equals Ishy giving it the ‘Shahid Afridi’ mid-pitch – 1 for 19 from 9 overs just about tells the tale.
Farhad Ahmed was introduced after Randall’s spell, and did a fine janitorial job of mopping up the Cadnam tail, thanks to more excellent catching from Tom Wallis and two more from the irrepressible Smitherman, to take 3 for 4 from 9 deliveries, wrapping up a comprehensive 168-run triumph for the now-champions.
The ensuing celebrations were as thorough as many have previously experienced, leaving more than a few thick heads come Sunday morning/afternoon.
This brings The View to a close for the 2017 season. See you all in 2018!
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